dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
