she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
