i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
