I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
