Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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