Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just tell him i said nine months
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
