Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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