Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
