listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
