I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
