Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
FUCK WHALES
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
