We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
