Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
