We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, he came in my armpit
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
