yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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