I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
