Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
