Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
