Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
