Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
