fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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