Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
