my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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