2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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