Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
