WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
