What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
