I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
