How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
