he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
