It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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