I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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