The beer is more important than you right now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
