and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize