I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
