God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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