I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
