I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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