i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
