the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
