apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
