It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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