And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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