I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
