im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
