This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
