It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
