i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
