OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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