All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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