i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
