so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
