There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
