did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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